Monday, November 06, 2006
Revenge of the Late-Bloomer
Sometimes it's hard to be a feminist. Take this anecdote as evidence of why.
As I've written before, I was way too skinny prior to having my son. I was teased mercilessly in high school by both boys and girls. To be precise, I was 5'7 and 95 pounds. People told me I had a pretty face, but that my body was gross.
One girl was particularly mean to me. Let's use some 90's slang and call her Ms. Thang. She had the perfect 120-pound slim, curvy figure (or at least what everyone in my class thought was perfect). I didn't hold that against her. But for some reason she hated the fact that I was skinnier than she was. And she did her best to make my life hell.
Now let's fast-foward a few years. I was at the mall buying some travel clothes when I saw it. Yep, you know what's coming. Ms. Thang was now Ms. Lumpy Ass! And your favorite redneck had done some blooming.
The temptation. Oh, the temptation! How I dreamt of this moment when I was 16. Could it be that Ms. Thang had fallen from grace? I knew how fragile the ego of Ms. Thang was, and I knew at this moment that I had the power. I could smash the esteem of Ms. Thang with little effort, the way she had tried to do to me years ago. Revenge could so easily be mine!
I had the thought. I admit it. I envisioned myself prancing my tight little buns in front of her, flipping my hair, looking back, smiling, and saying, "Oh hi, Jenny! I didn't recognize you at first." I knew this small action would crush her because Ms. Thang had never bothered to invest in anything other than her looks. And now, sporting thighs of jell-o, poor Ms. Thang had nothing left.
Now if you are of faint heart you may protest this little anecdote and think of me as an evil person, and certainly no feminist at all. But before you run for your binkie and blankie, consider this. Is it evil thoughts that make one evil? Or evil actions? I am willing to bet that we all have evil thoughts sometimes. Is it better to deny them, or to face them head-on?
This story ends with my super-ego victorious. Yes, I was a good little feminist. Damn it!
Perhaps if evil thoughts are left as thoughts and are not propelled to action, then eventually once will become less evil?
I had the perfect comment picked out and ready to go should I ever run into him and his latest woman. Oh, it was choice. Ripe. Juicy. Delicious. Cuttingly mean. Not to mention clever. It was absolutely perfect in every way.
But I didn't use it. I did confront her, but in a very restrained way simply pointing out that I didn't appreciate being talked about behind my back.
To this day I have never regretted it. It was really worth it to let that one go.
Yes, if you would have been cuttingly mean (how could you stand keeping it to yourself?!) it would have justified her own actions in her mind. Since you took the high road, I bet she's still kicking herself over it.
I remember how happy I was when I found out that the biggest two bullies at my high school were now fat.
On the plus side, I went back to my special coffee shop the next day to make sure it was still my favorite coffee shop after the ugly incident. There was a band that night, and I discovered that the drummer also gave drum lessons. That is how I found my drum teacher. So it turned out well in the end.
Here's a thought... most of us grow up and get over high school. Even us ugly fat chicks.
This is why I never bother with reunion crap. Not because of high school emo-angst, because I'm the only person I know who ever got over it.
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