Monday, November 06, 2006

Revenge of the Late-Bloomer

Sometimes it's hard to be a feminist. Take this anecdote as evidence of why.

As I've written before, I was way too skinny prior to having my son. I was teased mercilessly in high school by both boys and girls. To be precise, I was 5'7 and 95 pounds. People told me I had a pretty face, but that my body was gross.

One girl was particularly mean to me. Let's use some 90's slang and call her Ms. Thang. She had the perfect 120-pound slim, curvy figure (or at least what everyone in my class thought was perfect). I didn't hold that against her. But for some reason she hated the fact that I was skinnier than she was. And she did her best to make my life hell.

Now let's fast-foward a few years. I was at the mall buying some travel clothes when I saw it. Yep, you know what's coming. Ms. Thang was now Ms. Lumpy Ass! And your favorite redneck had done some blooming.

The temptation. Oh, the temptation! How I dreamt of this moment when I was 16. Could it be that Ms. Thang had fallen from grace? I knew how fragile the ego of Ms. Thang was, and I knew at this moment that I had the power. I could smash the esteem of Ms. Thang with little effort, the way she had tried to do to me years ago. Revenge could so easily be mine!

I had the thought. I admit it. I envisioned myself prancing my tight little buns in front of her, flipping my hair, looking back, smiling, and saying, "Oh hi, Jenny! I didn't recognize you at first." I knew this small action would crush her because Ms. Thang had never bothered to invest in anything other than her looks. And now, sporting thighs of jell-o, poor Ms. Thang had nothing left.

Now if you are of faint heart you may protest this little anecdote and think of me as an evil person, and certainly no feminist at all. But before you run for your binkie and blankie, consider this. Is it evil thoughts that make one evil? Or evil actions? I am willing to bet that we all have evil thoughts sometimes. Is it better to deny them, or to face them head-on?

This story ends with my super-ego victorious. Yes, I was a good little feminist. Damn it!

I can relate to cruel, taunting females in the school years. I do, however, think you did the right thing.

Perhaps if evil thoughts are left as thoughts and are not propelled to action, then eventually once will become less evil?
Thanks, BBB. I probably would have many more regrets had I listened to my id!
This would have been the perfect opportunity to be a "bitchy" feminist instead of the "good" feminist. But on the other hand, you did the right thing by not rubbing her cellulose in her face.
Haha! Yeah, who would have thought I would pick such a weird moment to be nice?
Almost a year ago, I was in my special coffee shop minding my own business and working on my computer when in walked my ex-husband and his fiance. I had my headphones on but no sound going through them and heard them loudly celebrating with the ladies behind the counter because they were getting married that very day. Apparently this was not enough for his soon-to-be wife because she, seeing that I had my headphones on, started making fun of me thinking I could not hear her.

I had the perfect comment picked out and ready to go should I ever run into him and his latest woman. Oh, it was choice. Ripe. Juicy. Delicious. Cuttingly mean. Not to mention clever. It was absolutely perfect in every way.

But I didn't use it. I did confront her, but in a very restrained way simply pointing out that I didn't appreciate being talked about behind my back.

To this day I have never regretted it. It was really worth it to let that one go.
She really thought you couldn't hear her? What an idiot.

Yes, if you would have been cuttingly mean (how could you stand keeping it to yourself?!) it would have justified her own actions in her mind. Since you took the high road, I bet she's still kicking herself over it.
It'll be satisfying enough to remind yourself of her lardass every so often -- no need to tell her what is already so obvious.

I remember how happy I was when I found out that the biggest two bullies at my high school were now fat.
Yep, I asked her if she thought it was polite to talk about people behind their backs, and she responded that she thought I couldn't hear her. I told her that's why it was called talking behind someone's back.

On the plus side, I went back to my special coffee shop the next day to make sure it was still my favorite coffee shop after the ugly incident. There was a band that night, and I discovered that the drummer also gave drum lessons. That is how I found my drum teacher. So it turned out well in the end.
So you're a hero because you only THOUGHT about humiliating her for gaining weight?

Here's a thought... most of us grow up and get over high school. Even us ugly fat chicks.

This is why I never bother with reunion crap. Not because of high school emo-angst, because I'm the only person I know who ever got over it.
I'm over it... but unlike you, I still have my sense of humor. Cheers!
I used to be nice like that. In my middle-age, I'm now far more likely to let my Id have her way. ;)
This was a great post!! It truly shows that there is not one stereotypical personality of a feminist, but rather we a just regular people with an opinion. While you had the perfect opportunity for revenge, you took the high road and gave us feminists a good name!! You didn;t let you past get the best of you, and that is what feminism needs; people who are living for the future. Thanks for the post!
I had the perfect comment picked out and ready to go should I ever run into him and his latest woman. Oh, it was choice. Ripe. Juicy. Delicious. Cuttingly mean. Not to mention clever. It was absolutely perfect in every way...

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